Link and the Fleas
by Kinomoto-san
Summary: In the middle of his adventures, Link looks at his arm and notices he has fleas. TP fic.
1. The problem

No, I haven't beaten Twilight Princess. I'd estimate that I've only gotten about half way through it, so if I make an error in the story I would appreciate being corrected. As long as it doesn't spoil me. Which reminds me...

**Attention!** This story might contain possible spoilers for a random part in the Twilight Princess game! If you don't wish to be spoiled, then don't read.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. Zelda pwns all humankind, and I don't own it.

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-Link and the Fleas-

Rather than taking the easy way and warping, Link decided to ride Epona to Kakariko Village to check out the new bombs in Barnes's shop. He figured that he might as well enjoy himself, since it seemed that he would have a lot of challenges and intensely cold temperatures ahead of him. It was a nice day, too. Bright sun, warm air, a strange itching in his arm, mood-fitting background music...

Wait, what was that about his arm? Confuzed, Link stopped Epona for a moment to take a look at his right forearm, which was now in major need of scratching. He wasn't bitten by any bugs recently, and those monsters in the Arbiter's Grounds didn't contain ithing poison, did they? So Link leaned his head in reeeeaaall close, and squinted reeeeaaall hard, and noticed a small black spot. On further inspection, that spot appeared to be... a flea?

"Midna," Link started to say, calling out the familiar Twili buddy from his shadow, "What does that little speck on my arm look like to you?" Out of pure disbelief, the young hero needed a second opinion.

Midna glanced at his arm and snorted. "Looks like a case of fleas to me," she responded, which was the answer that Link WASN'T hoping for, then continued to remark, "But how should I know?"

Link fell off his horse. "But... but... I'm a PERSON right now!" he stammered. For some reason, he couldn't fully manage to convince himself that the little black speck was, indeed, a flea, and decided to go into a panic attack instead. He quickly stood up, brushed himself off, and took off his glove. Then he shoved his hand in Midna's shadowy face. "SKIN, see?! SKIN!"

Midna just giggled a little more and shrugged. "Guess the bugs really like you or something," was all she said before disappearing once more into Link's shadow.

That didn't help his situation at all. Trying to desperately calm down, Link began searching his thoughts for a solution. It didn't take long before an idea came to him. "Bugs, huh? Agitha likes bugs. She'll be able to help, I know it!" he thought aloud, remembering the strange little blonde girl who wanted him to do all her work for her and collect golden bugs for some silly pretend ball. Hey, at least it's a thought, right? So Link gave himself a pat on the back for thinking of something and hopped back on Epona before proceding to ride to Hyrule Castle Town.

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Short, I know. But eventually I might get off my lazy butt and update if I come up with an actual plot for this.


	2. Solving the problem

-Link and the Fleas-

CHAPTER TWO!

So Link was riding on Epona to Agitha's house to talk to her about a flea he recently found on his arm. Let's just skip that part, shall we?

When the hero arrived at her house, he took note of the weird stalker outside the window. What the heck was that guy doing there, anyway? But he tried not to worry about it, and stepped inside the door, immediately being welcomed by the calm and childish background music. Random little golden bugs fluttered around the room aimlessly, making a cute little tinkling sound as they passed.

And, as predicted, Agitha was standing in the corner. Her cute little blonde hair was held up in two pigtails, and she was clothed in a large white dress. As Link walked up to her, all the butterflies gathered near her head spread apart. _Why are there butterflies by her head?_ Link thought for a second, but shook off the curiosity and turned to the task at hand. "Agitha," he started, and shoved his arm in her face, "what does this look like to you?"

The self-proclaimed princess only had to glance. Almost as a reflex, she plucked the black speck right off the arm in front of her and cradled it in her hand. "Oh, it's a lil' flea, isn't it?" she squealed. "Lil' flea, lil' flea, how I'd love to shrink to your size once."

Link tried not to get too off of the subject. "Yeah, it's a flea, but why was it on my arm?" he asked quickly, hoping Agitha would pay attention.

Fortunately, she did. But she was caught slightly off guard. "Didn't you find it to bring to my ball? There are still 17 bugs left, you know."

"No, it was just... on my arm."

"Well, lil' fleas must like you!"

Link tried not to panic again. "But WHY?" was all he managed to stutter out.

Agitha shrugged and replied, "Have you been really hairy lately?" Link stopped breathing for a second. "Just kidding!" the little girl giggled. Link caught his breath again. But Agitha continued, "There are a lot of lil' dogs outside, you know. Maybe one jumped on you from there."

Of course! It was so obvious! Perhaps it just jumped on him from an animal outside. So the hero relaxed a little and smiled. "You're right," he said, "It was probably just a false alarm."

Agitha nodded and giggled again. "Good. Now then, do you have anymore bugs for Princess Agitha's ball?"

Oh no. She was going to be annoying again. RETREAT! "Um, no, I don't. ButthanksforhelpingmeitwasreallygreatBYE!" he answered very quickly, and got out of there as soon as possible.

Shrugging the entire episode off, Link slowly wandered back to the east bridge to continue his quest. It wasn't until he jumped on Epona and was at a nice, steady pace before he realized it. He hadn't been in the castle town, near any dogs or cats, in quite awhile. And his arm only started itching about an hour ago.

Oh crud.

Link fell off his horse.

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Agitha's dress is white, isn't it? Well, I'm too lazy to remember. At least I updated pretty fast, though! And the plot is actually going somewhere! Sorta. Ah well. Please review, will ya?


	3. Midna's solution

-Link and the Fleas-

Chapter... THREE!

Link was running out of options. First of all, there was a flea on his arm. That was a little more than odd. Second of all, his back really hurt from continuously falling off his horse. Maybe if Epona was shorter, it woudn't hurt so much. But how could she get shorter? Hmm...

Anyway, back on topic. The hero was now frightened for his life, which was odd, considering it was only one flea, and he normally didn't get like that even against his worst enemies. Like the fangirls at the STAR game. Oh, yes, they needed to be put in their place, too. Just like the flea. But then, if there was one flea, couldn't there be more?

"Relax, will ya?" Midna said. She was getting a little irritated by Link's overreactions. Actually, more than a little. "Just go... sit in the spring or something, and wash it off!"

Link's eyes widened in realization. "Of course!" he cried triumphantly. "Why didn't I think of that?" And the two quickly warped to the Ordon Spring.

Unfortunately, Ilia was already there. Who knows why she felt the need to be there at that precise moment, looking directly at the spot where wolf-Link and Midna were to appear. Who knows why Link chose to go to the spring in Ordona instead of in Lake Hylia, which was much larger and much more private. Who knows why Midna didn't just take him there. But alas, none of those "what ifs" happened, and Ilia ended up seeing the twili and the wolf appear out of nowhere in the middle of her relaxation session. She didn't take the scene very calmly, either.

"WTFJUSTHAPPENEDAFREAKYTHINGANDAPUPPYJUSTCAMEOUTTANOWHEREANDOHMIGAWDITSGONNAKILLMERUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!"

She said this all in 1.357 seconds. Then she was running for her life, in the opposite direction.

"Smooth," commented Midna.

"I blame you," Link replied.

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To be continued! Maybe, in the future, this fic might actually have a purpose!


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